Surgery: Telling Shelby
Telling Shelby I was going to have surgery turned out to be the funniest experience I’ve had in a long time.
I started with the facts. I have a tumor. It’s in my girl parts. It has to be removed. And then I moved into the specifics.
“Next week my doctor, the same one who delivered Cooper, will do the surgery.”
“Do I know this doctor? Is it a girl or a boy?”
“My doctor is a girl. You know her. She was the doctor who was there when I gave birth to Cooper.”
“Nope. Don’t know her. But I’ll just say I do.”
“Shelby, she was the doctor who delivered Cooper.”
“Did I see Cooper be born? No. I didn’t see Cooper be born. Mom, why didn’t I see Cooper be born?” Shelby says this all quickly, without really waiting for an answer.
Trying to be very honest and use the proper terms I say, “Shelby, you were in the waiting room with Big Mike (her Grandpa). We didn’t think you wanted to see Cooper being born. When babies are born the come out of their mother’s vagina … “
At this point, Mike interrupts and says “Trust me Shelby, you didn’t want to see it. I’m still trying to get it out of my head.”
Then Shelby, my aspiring comedian says, “Yeah, I can just imagine… Cooper poking his head out your vagina, waving and saying ‘Hello, so glad to be here.’ You’re right Mom, I don’t want to see that.”
This all went down at the dinner table. Shelby couldn’t stop laughing. And there was little talk about the tumor that started it all. My vagina; who was going to pick her from school on the day of the surgery; and what Nana might be feeding her while we’re away at the hospital … were all far more inserting topics than a pesky tumor.
I’m so grateful there’s someone in this world who can make me laugh so hard my belly hurts and makes me forget my impending surgery. That’s a gift. I thank the Lord every, single day she is mine.
On a side note: I hope I didn’t offend anyone with the use of the word vagina and specific reference to my own v-jay. It’s life. It is what it is. We use the correct terms in our house (penis and vagina). And I’d much rather have Shelby talk to me about it than some stranger or kid on the playground.
If this wasn’t funny to you. I’m also sorry. I was hilarious to us. We laughed and laughed and laughed some more. And every time we laughed, Shelby just piled on more. She’s quite the comedian. But I didn’t really share this because I thought it was hilarious, which it was, I shared it because it’s an important part of our family story and I want to remember it forever. I also shared it to illustrate how important it is to talk to your children, tell them the truth about life and have a regular, healthy dialogue. We talk to Shelby all the time, about nearly everything that goes on … so when this came up she wasn’t freaked out, scared or nervous. She just rolled with it and cracked jokes.April 6, 2012
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