Chopped: A new haircut for Shelby

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Shelby got her hair chopped off last weekend. It wasn’t something we planned. Heck, I had no idea it was going to happen. I asked Mike to take her to get her bangs trimmed and she came home with her hair up to her ears. All her long blonde hair was gone. And I was shocked. Truthfully, I cried. I was so mad. Shelby and Mike said they wanted to surprise me. I don’t like surprises. And I don’t like being left out of girly decisions. Two years ago, Mike took Shelby to get her ears pierced. I was in Brazil on business and the two of them proudly called me to tell me about their latest adventure.

“Mommy, guess what?”

“What Shelby?”

“Daddy let me get my ears pierced.”

“What?” I asked in shock.

“We went to the mall today and Daddy let me get my ears pierced.”

When I was about seven, I begged my mom and dad to get my ears pierced. They said no. I had to wait until I was eight. When I finally turned eight I begged some more … and for Valentine’s Day my mom took me to Newberry’s in Canyon Country to get my ears done. It was a really, really big deal. I remember the excitement and anticipation. And I remember the pinching (ouch, pain!) and the pretty, sparkly earing I chose (topaz, my birthstone).

I had always imagined when my own daughter got her ears pierced it would be a memorable mother-daughter experience, similar to the one I had with my mom. But no. It wasn’t. I’m still mad about it (if you haven’t picked up on that yet).

So when Mike let Shelby chop off eight inches of her hair on a whim, without consulting me, I was mad all over again. Why is it that I have such a strong reaction to things like this? I think I might be over reacting, but I also think that a lot of mamas out there might react like have.

I told Mike after the hair incident (I think that’s what I’m going to start calling it) that I really feel strongly that I should be able to do the “girl” things with Shelby, especially as she gets older and our relationship could possibly be strained by teenage angst and hormones. Shelby and I already have a complicated relationship. She is EXACTLY like me and we clash. A lot. It’s already getting tough to navigate. And I really cherish the “good” or “easy” moments we have. And when I think one has been stolen from me I react … ummm, badly. I wish I could have taken her to the fancy salon I go to and let my girl (Jenny) do her hair. I wish I could have directed the stylist as to what cut we’d like (I’m not happy with the cut at all). I wish. I wish. I wish. 

So? What would you have done? How would you have reacted if your husband came home from what was supposed to be a bang trim and your 8-year-old daughter’s hair was about eight inches shorter? Would you have exploded (I did)?

In the end, I sucked it up. I apologized for over reacting. And I told Shelby I loved her hair. It will grow on me … I’m sure of it. I’m just bummed out I wasn’t there to help her with the choice and experience the excitement of a really new and different haircut.

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6 Responses to Chopped: A new haircut for Shelby

  1. Anonymous says:

    Sorry but on this one I side with dad. Its hair it grows back. Why should he not have those firsts too? I have realized if I think hard enough and am honest with myself my daughters daddy is better at things like that than I am I always try to interject my oppinion on what it should look like and daddy lets her be her own person. It is a memory for her like you had its just with her dad. You and her will have plenty of memoires. Heck shes her own person this memory may never even make her fav list and it could be full of times with you. xoxox

  2. ~ Lori ~ says:

    I would’ve been pissed and I probably would’ve blown my top and then apologized later. I understand exactly where you’re coming from. Your hubby needs to understand that you’re probably having some Mommy Guilt from not being there and then she has this big THING and you’re not there for it. Good luck…take her out for a pedicure or something girly and fun for the two of you!

  3. Lisa G. says:

    I picked up on the you two are alike part. I have a 13 year old that is “like” me…drives me nuts most days. But since I have learned to let her be her strong person and not take it personally it’s gotten easier. I have the I don’t care about things attitude and it makes her want me involved, reverse psycology kinda thing 😉
    Good luck 🙂

  4. I would have reacted just as you did. Especially since you already had the earring incident, which just makes the hair incident even more of an incident. My husband wouldn’t see the big deal, either, and would tell me I was wrong for blowing it all up, but…still. And not to take sides, but you already have to miss out on those little moments when you travel, so that makes every other moment even more special, if that makes sense. Sadly, I don’t let incidents fade from my memory too quickly, but I hope they do for you. BTW-I’m not bashing your husband, in case he reads this, just saying that I so understand where you’re coming from.

  5. I would have reacted just as you did. Especially since you already had the earring incident, which just makes the hair incident even more of an incident. My husband wouldn’t see the big deal, either, and would tell me I was wrong for blowing it all up, but…still. And not to take sides, but you already have to miss out on those little moments when you travel, so that makes every other moment even more special, if that makes sense. Sadly, I don’t let incidents fade from my memory too quickly, but I hope they do for you. BTW-I’m not bashing your husband, in case he reads this, just saying that I so understand where you’re coming from.

  6. Monika, our husbands sound a lot alike! Mike wasn’t trying to do something to upset me. He just thought it wasn’t a big deal. After the dust settled, I told him why I thought it was a big deal, he listened and then told me in the future he’d try to be more respectful of my view on this. His thought was: Shelby asked to do it; it didn’t seem like a big deal; and since hair grows back, so why not? After I cooled off, I could see why he didn’t see it was a big deal to me. He’s a boy, it’s different. I’m sure if I did a major “boy” thing with our son and didn’t consult him, he’d be upset. Anyway. I’m trying to let it go. As you can tell, I’m still holding onto the earring incident and that was two years ago … so it’s easier said than done!

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