Self pity has always been an issue for me. Lots of people who know me would never, ever have any idea how often I wallow in self pity. I hide it well. But if you ask my husband or my very best friend, they will tell you I have fairly regular bouts with self pity. Some are worse than others and if left unchecked I can get rather depressed, angry and turn into someone you don't want to be around.
This is one of the major reasons I chose DO as my word for 2012. I want to force myself to take action before I fall into a pit of despair. I want to pay closer attention to my moods and take action early rather than having to repair the situation once I've gone too far down the path of self pity.
Rather than going home this weekend, I stayed over in Rochester. Most of the time, I go home each and every weekend. Even if that means I have to fly across the country. Even if that means I spend more time traveling than resting at home. Even if that means I only see my family for 12 hours. I have always felt the sacrifice is worth it. But last year, after doing this for 5 weekends straight, I got sick. Super sick. So sick I didn't go into work even though I was on site and I've never missed a day of work when on site, with a customer. When planning this particular business trip, I knew the turn around would be tight (18 hours), so I made the hard choice of staying the weekend and getting some rest rather than running myself ragged. And as soon as I made the decision I started to feel sad. I knew I was going to struggle with being away from the kids over the weekend and I was plummeting. Enter my husband.
Before I had a chance to feel all too sorry for myself and host the most pathetic pity party in my hotel room ... Mike urged me to make a plan and get out and do something. And boy, did I do something. On Friday night I decided I wanted to see as many of the Best Picture Nominees as possible. I don't always have the time to do something like this when I'm at home, so I was going to force myself to take advantage of the me time I had been given.
|The first of three movie theaters I visited this weekend.|
On Saturday, I walked a little more than 4 miles, saw three movies, had a fancy dinner, took 2 cab rides .... but that's nothing compared to Sunday. On Sunday I walked 12.31 miles. I decided to go to a movie theater 6 miles from my hotel. I could have taken a cab, but I had a whole day to fill and I needed to get my exercise in, so I walked. When I go there, I had a yummy lunch, saw my movie and then walked back to the hotel. I felt so strong, powerful and busy.
|By the end of the weekend, I saw these movies.|
The more I DO, the better I feel. The more I DO the things I like -- the things that make me happy -- the more peace that fills my soul. I'm quite proud of myself. Finding ways to do more and create joy in my life is incredibly fulfilling and gives me hope for brighter days and less self pity.